Monday, September 2, 2013

Purple pills


"Here! take this" he said

"You said you want to forget everything. This, my friend will help you get through all the pain" he continued.

I was really nervous. My hands are cold and numb and started to have tremors. Sweat starts to fall from my forehead.

"C'mon take it. Don't worry its fine. It'll make you feel better I promise"

I slowly glanced at him and wipe my forehead. His eyes was convincing. He handed me a single piece of purple pill.

"Here! Go on. take it! Sabi mo gusto mo siya makalimutan di ba? Bilis! inumin mo na yan tapos pasok na tayo sa loob" he said.

I took the pill and looked at it for a moment. I saw a lot of things. The pill served as a portal back to where I was when I was broken. I heard all the hurtful things he said. My heart was pounding so fast. I was upset. I was angry. I was in rage. 

"Oh eto tubig." he handed me a bottle of water. I took a sip.

"Gaano ba to katagal? Tsaka magkano ba to?" I asked him while holding the bottle of water he gave me. 

"There are thousands of different types of these pills. Some last an hour to 10 hours. But the more you take it, the more pills you need in one night. The one I gave you lasts for 2 hours tops. 1,500 lang yan pero dahil first time mo sige 1,200 na lang" he said

"What's this called?" I asked him

"E tawag diyan pare. Astig yan! Yan kasi ang pinaka mabilis ang effect" he explained "Dala mo ba yung sinabi ko?" he continued.

I showed him my shades. 

"Suotin mo lang yan baka mahalata tayo mamaya na bangag ka" he explained

He put his arms around my shoulder and accompanied me inside.

"Uso yang 'E' sa mga ganitong rave party. huwag kang magalala harmless ka diyan." he said.

"Harmless?" I asked him

"Oo harmless. Wala naman kasing hallucination stage yan puro sensation lang. You'll be extra sensitive to external stimuli pero walang hallucinations walang mga boses na mag uutos sayo ng kung anu ano kagaya ng sa diamonds at meth" he explained

"Oh basta tandaan mo inom lang ng inom ng tubig ah. You have to hydrate yourself from time to time." he whispered. "First 30 minutes you'll feel tingling sensation sa mga kamay mo tapos lalamigin ka kaya dapat sayaw ka lang ng sayaw. Inom lang ng inom ng tubig mas okay kung orange juice pampahaba ng effect. Cool pare! Tapos nguya ka ng nguya kaya heto" he handed me a gum. "Yan ang nguyain mo."

I looked around. Everyone is hyped and has their own space in their own worlds. They are in their mystic self-transcendence. Its an underground full of people in their state of intense excitement. 

"Oh. drink this" he handed me a beer in a red plastic cup. 

"Hindi ako nag bi-beer eh. May Vodka sprite ba? or kahit T ice na lang?" I asked

"Teka, diyan ka lang ah" he said then headed straight to the bar and asked for a bottle of Tanduay ice. "Oh.."

I started dancing in a slow pace. After a minute or two I can now feel the drug sinking in. My hands are sweating and tingling. My skin is super sensitive to temperature. I was cold. 

"Isayaw mo yan para uminit ka" he said while wrapping his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I felt his body heat. It felt really really nice. I hugged him so tight while dancing. Aaaaahh ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ang sarap ng feeling pag dumidikit siya sa balat ko. Para akong dahang dahang kinikiliti. Aaaaahhh sarap pare. Sinuot ko na ang shades na dala ko.

He then started kissing me. Ibang sensation ang naramdaman ko. Parang kinukuryente ang dila ko pababa sa aking spine tapos hihmasin pa niya ang braso ko dagdag sensation na naman. Para akong makahiya, konting hawak konting hipo titiklop.  Iba na rin ang dating ng music sa tenga ko. Para kang unti unting lumulutang lalo na sa part na puro instruments lang maririning mo at malalakas na bass. Hype na hype na din ako. Everything feels so right. It feels so good. Heaven ika nga. Parang lahat tama walang mali. Lahat ng tao kilala mo at kaibigan mo. Lahat sila pamilyar sayo. Lahat sila masaya pati ikaw masaya. Aaaaaahhh life is good shet!


Yung strobe lights naman iba na rin. Ang sarap hawakan. Ang sarap abutin. Pinaglalaruan ng strobe lights ang mga mata ko. Sa bawat kilos nito hindi ko mapigilang sundan ang galaw nito tapos para kang hini-hypnotize ng strobe lights. Yung para bang kakatitig mo ng matagal eh mapupunta ka na sa ibang demensyon. At ang saya saya sa demensyon na yun. Masarap ang feeling. Aaaaahhh sarep pare. Ibang klase. Kakaiba talaga. Kapag pinagsama mo lahat; ang ilaw, ang touch, music, ang bass ang halik at haplos niya aaaaahhh overload sensation. Parang ayaw mo ng matapos. Sayaw lang. Sayaw lang ng sayaw. Sayaw kasama siya. Pa yakap ka pa. Life is good! Shet! Taena ang sarap tsong! Life is good! Walang problema life is good. Para akong si Miley Cyrus dikit ng dikit sa kanya. Dila ng dila sa leeg niya. Taena! I can get used to this. Sarap pare. Gusto ko araw araw ganito. Ang sarap sarap ng pakiramdam. Ang gaan gaan ng pakiramdam mo and you really feel good about yourself. Feeling ko ang gwapo at ang macho ko. Hinila ko ulit siya papalapit sakin. Hinalikan ko siya. Taena talaga kakaiba ang pakiramdam. Nakakakuryente na nakakakiliti. Nakakaadik. Ang sarap ng mga nararamdaman ko. Lahat ng tao sayaw lang ng sayaw. Wala kaming mga problema. Walang sakit puro saya. taena ang sarap pare!

Masarap talaga pare! Ayaw mong huminto kaka sayaw. Sige! Sayaw lang. Party lang ng party.

..........

Bumababa na ang sensations... pati ang energy ko. anung nangyayari? Hindi ako mapakali. Nanginginig ako. Nagpapawis ang aking mga kamay. I felt dizzy. I was hungry for more. Gusto ko pa. Gusto ko pa. Ayaw ko matapos. Gusto ko laging ganun. Walang problema. Lahat masaya lang. Lahat masaya. 

"Hey!" he said while tapping my cheeks

"Hey! Hey! Are you okay?" he asked me

I opened my eyes. I was blinded by the light from the windows. I was not in my bed. I was half naked. My head starts to throb. I felt dizzy. My hands are numb and cold. I looked around me and noticed that this is not my house. Where am I? From the interior, looks like I'm in a condo unit. I saw him walk towards the kitchen. I smell the aroma of coffee. 

I got up and head to the table near the bed. 

I searched for my phone. opened and navigated it straight to the inbox.

I saw his name "N***" and read our last conversation from the thread but no new message from him

I felt my head throb again

.........

but more than anything else

I can still feel the pain in my heart. 

Then I cried


12 comments:

  1. Maybe it's still an effect of E, that you were still extra sensitive..hopefully it wears out and you'll have no pain in your heart anymore..

    ReplyDelete
  2. Waaaaah! No matter how curious I am I never gave in to E.

    Siguro natakot ako mashado na alam kong malakas ang control ko over urges and anger and all baka mashado akong magloosen up di ko na mapigilan.

    Food is my drug. And as with any other drug, once it dissipates, reality will always sink back in for you to deal with.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aha!! Black party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I want to say so many things but ... I suppose by now, you already know them.

    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go ahead K I would love to hear your thoughts :)

      Nah! Sa World Trade yan eh

      Delete
    2. well ... the thing is, I might incriminate myself! Hahaha

      Hay Nomad, it might sound weird no, pero I do understand where you're coming from, why you do certain things. I know things are volatile right now, but one day it will stabilize. Then another cycle begins. Perhaps such is the way of things.

      K

      Delete
    3. Cycle.. sometimes I wonder why does it have to be like that? Does it ever stop? Will I ever win?

      Haaay K

      Delete
  4. some things really are just temporary. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. minsan nadin ako nakatikim ng E. ayaw ko na balikan yun hihi ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ganun pala ang effect ng Ecstasy >_<

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is wicked. Curious ako. I want to try it once. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No you don't want to try this I swear

      Delete