Monday, November 17, 2014

It's not exciting anymore

Mr. Tinder

Mr. Growlr

I don't know what is happening, I don't know if it's just lust or promiscuity. I don't know if this is all I wanted. I don't know if this is all I can do or if this is all I deserve but  I've come to a point where I'm already tired of this. The Game, The hunt, sleepless and steamy nights, The lip service... the sex is no longer exciting to me. We'll talk in grindr,growlr or tinder, i'll invite him over, watch movie for a few minutes and then kiss, caress each body, blowjob, handjob and then cum. And then..... and then that's it. He'll go home, i'll sleep then no txt/message after. It's like sex has been a routine for me that it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I don't get excited. I don't get "kilig" anymore. There's libog but just plain libog after I came.. wala na. Antok na. Don;t get me wrong but this is the first that I had so many one night stands in one month. Sure I have had one nights before but nothing like this na 4-5 times a month.

Now I'm starting to ask myself. Is this all I want? Is this all I can get? Don't I deserve something much better? Don't they realize that I'm a person? A human being? Can't they invite me for a cup of coffee after? I know the rules in one night stands. I know that sex is all there is but sometimes I wonder.... Does people have anything to do other than have sex? Malandi nga ba talaga ako or sadyang mabilis lang makakuha ng hook up ngayon? Pero hindi rin eh. Madali man makakuha ng hook up or hindi nasa akin parin ang control eh. Pero bakit?

I tried, I tried not to have sex and just talk but it always lead there. Parang.... wala na bang magte-take sakin seriously? and when I like someone, siya naman yung sex lang gusto. I'm not gwapo believe me kaya wag ng tumaas ang kilay mo but sometimes I thought hanggang dito na lang ba talaga ako? Wala na bang mag a-ask sakin to go out on a date? Hindi na ba uso yung kwentuhan magdamag without dull or dead airs?

I know I deserve better than this pero paano naman kung wala namang matinong lalapit. Basura na ba ang tingin ko sa sarili ko? Eto ba ang epekto ng ginawa sa akin ng ex ko? Sobrang baba na ba ng morale ko?

*Pardon this entry my mind is puzzled. I just finished this entry just for the heck of it.