Monday, November 17, 2014

It's not exciting anymore

Mr. Tinder

Mr. Growlr

I don't know what is happening, I don't know if it's just lust or promiscuity. I don't know if this is all I wanted. I don't know if this is all I can do or if this is all I deserve but  I've come to a point where I'm already tired of this. The Game, The hunt, sleepless and steamy nights, The lip service... the sex is no longer exciting to me. We'll talk in grindr,growlr or tinder, i'll invite him over, watch movie for a few minutes and then kiss, caress each body, blowjob, handjob and then cum. And then..... and then that's it. He'll go home, i'll sleep then no txt/message after. It's like sex has been a routine for me that it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I don't get excited. I don't get "kilig" anymore. There's libog but just plain libog after I came.. wala na. Antok na. Don;t get me wrong but this is the first that I had so many one night stands in one month. Sure I have had one nights before but nothing like this na 4-5 times a month.

Now I'm starting to ask myself. Is this all I want? Is this all I can get? Don't I deserve something much better? Don't they realize that I'm a person? A human being? Can't they invite me for a cup of coffee after? I know the rules in one night stands. I know that sex is all there is but sometimes I wonder.... Does people have anything to do other than have sex? Malandi nga ba talaga ako or sadyang mabilis lang makakuha ng hook up ngayon? Pero hindi rin eh. Madali man makakuha ng hook up or hindi nasa akin parin ang control eh. Pero bakit?

I tried, I tried not to have sex and just talk but it always lead there. Parang.... wala na bang magte-take sakin seriously? and when I like someone, siya naman yung sex lang gusto. I'm not gwapo believe me kaya wag ng tumaas ang kilay mo but sometimes I thought hanggang dito na lang ba talaga ako? Wala na bang mag a-ask sakin to go out on a date? Hindi na ba uso yung kwentuhan magdamag without dull or dead airs?

I know I deserve better than this pero paano naman kung wala namang matinong lalapit. Basura na ba ang tingin ko sa sarili ko? Eto ba ang epekto ng ginawa sa akin ng ex ko? Sobrang baba na ba ng morale ko?

*Pardon this entry my mind is puzzled. I just finished this entry just for the heck of it.


  1. Been there, done that. You just need to reflect on what and why you're doing it. I had the longest angry sex for all I know and I was convinced I needed to prove something. First, that I am desirable. I spent hours at the gym so that I could attract more guys. Guys who are even out of my league but I can charm nonetheless. I wanted to get as many guys as I can. Mark traded me off for a massuer that I found so unacceptable. Second, I was angry. I spent all that anger into boosting my energy so that I can achieve my first objective. Lastly, I wanted to tire myself out of sex.

  2. Sabi ng isang nabasa ko, if you burn yourself, burn yourself brightly.

    What you feel is normal lalo na if you have been engaging with those kinds of 'activities.' It is the same feeling after watching porn or after masturbating (but to a lesser degree of course). We lose a part of our self-worth after.

    If you want to find yourself again (before looking for someone), you have to take back what you should be keeping for the special person. You are not alone. Other people undergo the same phase. And you'll be better. Everything will be better. :))

  3. this means you need to pursue a passion in another way

  4. Meron kang makikilala pa din. Ganyan din ako noon, u just have to learn to refuse the invites for ONS.

  5. dapat sa ibang way ka maka meet ng mga bagong tao..usually when you meet them at the sites/apps such as those mentioned, most often than not, hindi serious ang hanap nila. I'm sure you'll meet someone who will take you seriously as you should be treated, sa ibang paraan nga lang :)

  6. when I went through this same feeling, that's when I knew that I have outgrown my adventures and it was time to settle down. Not because I wanted to, but because I can finally say that I am ready. Maybe you are too.

    now all we need is a little patience and your prince charming will be galloping towards you very soon :D