A lot of things have been running in my mind while reading FSOQ's post about his struggles in his religion and faith in God. A mixture of emotions was delineated and a vehemence battle to himself was laid out.
We have the same upbringing. We're both raised by our parents with strict complaisance to our doctrines. My mother was a member of a Catholic Community (Beloved of the Lord). Those are the kinds that have regular prayer meeting (Every Tues and Thurs) and an epochal Life in the Spirit seminar that's being offered to non members of the congregation. Since mom used to bring me with her, I've been part of their youth ministry. I cannot truly disclose that my mom was a prayerful person but she wanted us to pray the rosary every single night. I also studied in a catholic school from elementary, high school to college with three religious education as major subjects. Because of this, I can allegorically say that I'm already a doyen of the Holy Bible. A kohen' -- Caiphas indeed.
Time had past and different challenges were given to me. It's been a tribulation of my soul. I started to ask questions. I started complaining and had given up.Sometimes there's just no way to hold back the river. I blame him for everything that's been happening to me. I was leaning towards becoming an atheist during those dark ages. I stopped attending the Eucharist. I stopped believing in him. Dreams are becoming nightmares. Beliefs were tormented. I was about to praise Satan -- as above and so below.
But after so many years, I've matured. I was mold by books, experiences and different ideologies from friends and blogs. Reason has been my faith but not entirely. I realized and learned a lot of things. I understand and understood. Nalaman kong hindi ko naman kailangan i-rationalize lahat para maintindihan ko. Naisip kong I can interpret and perceive the bible in my own ways. Hindi ko naman kailangang sumunod sa sinasabi ng pari. Hindi ko naman kailangan maintindihan lahat bago ko ito tanggapin. it's a future that was written so as to be altered
I wanna share something that I found on twitter.
This is for you FSOQ. I understood your struggle. I felt your burden and this is my way of helping you. I may not hear everything but that doesn't mean I don't understand. Be comfortable with yourself. You don't have to be all things to all people. You don't need to follow the doctrine nor believe what every priest would say. It's how you accept, perceive and interpret it. Remember that religion is communal and faith is personal.
"There is only one way to learn. It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey"