Monday, July 15, 2013

Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer got divorced



Joy and I were the closest colleagues in the office. We were like partners in crime. We do everything together. We laugh at everything. She's like my office best friend. Kahit saan ako magpunta (during weekdays and office hours) siya ang kasama ko. Sabi nga ng supervisor ko para daw kaming mag "jowa". Eeew! (Kidding) Minsan pa nga kakadating ko lang ng office (We don't have the same shift. Her shift was one hour earlier than mine.) tapos aayain niya ako for a smoke, go pa din ako kahit bawal yun. Minsan ganun din siya sakin. Kahit kaka-15 mintue break lang niya but when I asked her to go with me lagi naman siyang ready.  That's how we break rules. That's how my life goes inside the office. I'm Huckleberry Finn and She's Tom Sawyer. We were inseparable.

But something happened. She joked about something that was really important and significant to me. Something that I cannot brush aside. Hurtful words were said. Both sides were standing tall. Our egos are gushing up reaching the mountain tops. Our paths have separated. She no longer exists in my society. And I on the other end -- was dead.

Years had passed and we still don't talk to each other. Kahit na magka-trabaho kami we still managed to remain professional but still.... No words were given to each other. Others would say "Its been a year already, can't you guys move on and forget everything?" I remained silent.

These past few months, things have changed. We started talking to each other again but not like the way we used to. Not like the way we were. Plain. Simple. No joking. No teasing just ---- bland.

"Tara! yosi tayo"

Everyday Joy invites me to smoke with her. I know what she's trying to do. I know she's trying to fix everything. I know she wanted to bring the past back. I know she wanted us to be the same again.

But....

I think I'm not ready yet. You see, after what had happened between us, few months after the incident I said sorry. I apologized to her even though it was not my fault. I tried to apologize to save the friendship. I apologize to save what could be saved. but I was wrong. I asked for forgiveness not once, not twice but four times. Thrice sa office communicator, once in person but she did not accept it. She did not say anything. She remained stoic. And so I give up.

She keeps on inviting me but I dunno what to do. I may not be ready yet to be friends with her because trust was shattered and broken into pieces. Ako madali ako magtiwala sa tao. Para kasi sa akin given na yun sa bawat tao pero pag nasira mahirap ng ibalik. Kagaya nga ng nangyayari sa amin ngayon ni Joy. We're still civil but I don't know if I can still treat her as a friend. I don't know if I can trust her again. I don't know if we can hang out again. I don't know if we can be friends again.

Bahala na...

But I'm really scared.


16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It scares me that she might do it again. I can be civil with her.. just that. I cannot be friends with her again.

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  2. I believe the question is whether or not you ate willing to overlook what you have shares with your friend because of your doubts. I don‘t know. But reminiscing the good times may help you forguve her and reassure yourself that everything is going to be fine.

    CUTE PICTURE BTW. ;)

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    Replies
    1. I can forget what she did. What I can't forget is how I felt for what she did.

      however, being friends with her again is not possible. I'm afraid to trust someone who had in the first place broke it

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    2. Haha. Sorry, naaala ko lang si Popy at Basha. Everyone deserves a second chance. Sorry kung mukhang pinagtatanggol ko sya. Let‘s give her the benefit of the doubt. ;)

      Maybe you can be friends but it will never be the same as before. :)

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  3. ouch. daming wrong spelling. stupid small onscreen mobile keyboard. hehehe

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    Replies
    1. Nah. don't worry naisip ko na din naman yan ;)

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  4. mas masaya kung magkakaayos kayo kaysa umabot ng mas matagal ang gap until you can only cherish the memories pero di na talaga maaayos ang friendship.

    much better to save the friendship than being strangers to each other.

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    Replies
    1. After reading Seth's comment.. Am not closing any doors but not now

      :)

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  5. It is the level of familiarity and personal details and anecdotes shared and kept between persons that is actually the thing that binds two people together. Those are also the things that leaves you vulnerable because such intimacy strikes a cord within us, possibly breaking us.

    Now my question is, how many people do you consider to share her level of trust that knows the same detail as she did and yet handled it better?

    I guess her "joke" is supposed to show her fondness towards you given the trust you gave her. I mean, if she truly meant to hurt you, she would've exhausted all means to broadcast it to all across the internet to impune you?

    So consider why you ever told her and how is it truly unforgivable is her fault that it is very much worth giving up on that friendship.

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    Replies
    1. Napaisip ako sa mga sinabi mo... and realized things.

      Maybe sooner but not now

      :)

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  6. Masyado na matagal kasi umabot yang gap nyo. Its difficult to bring it back now. Its too late na kumbaga.

    But who knows. One day u might just feel its time.

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  7. may isa akong kaibigan. hindi namin inakala na sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari magkaibigan pa rin kami hanggang ngayon. Hindi talaga natin masasabi. sana maging mabuti ang lahat para sa inyo sa takdang panahon. :)

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    Replies
    1. I guess it will all depend on the foundation of your friendship

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  8. It is normal to get scared in trusting again. But that's the essence of trust: the fact that you can't predict everything. However, I can't sympathize much with you Nomad after I read the story, mainly because I have no idea what important thing she joked about that hurt you badly. I couldn't relate much; I can't judge here if she had really done something awful. But then you mentioned about the instances when you were asking for her forgiveness, and I can definitely say now that she's a bitch.

    All's well that ends well. :)

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