*Last March 29 nagkita kami. I was planning to win him back kaya I invited him over sa bahay Saturday morning. I read in front of him yung post ko before. I wanted to bring back our old memories baka kasi sakaling maramdaman niya uli yung dahilan kung bakit naging kami. Baka sakaling bumalik uli sa kanya yung pagmamahal niya sa akin, but it was too late. I cried while reading that to him, he cried, he hugged me, I kissed him, he kissed back, we lay on our backs on the bed and I whispered "Can we pretend that we're still boyfriends?" He nod and kissed me. Then it happened. We had sex. He stayed until midnight but before he left, we had sex again. It was our last. And then we broke up.
Weeks after, he started posting some stuff in his Facebook. Stuff like he's dating someone already or he's in love with somebody else or a photo with a guy saying "My Mr. Nice Guy" or a hand sketch of Mr. Nice Guy with caption of a heart. I know this is something peculiar. Ako nga hindi niya ma-drawing drawing tapos etong panget na guy na to may drawing niya? But I remained calm until this happened.
****
*Psychologically, yan na lang siguro ang magagawa ko to ease the pain kahit kakaunti kaya ko siya nasabi sakanya. I was aware na it was a horrible thing to curse or swear pero I really can't help it. For weeks I've been trying not to entertain the pain that dwells within. I tired to ignored it kaya lang eto... sumabog na.
For a moment I felt bad while saying those things to him. Hindi naman talaga ako nagbibigay ng curse or nag iisip ng masama sa ibang tao eh. The person above is not me but I guess I was enveloped with darkness and bitterness when I saw his Facebook updates. Hindi ko lang talaga matanggap na wala pang one month since we broke up meron na agad siyang Mr. Nice guy? And that he was happy with another person. Ang sakit talaga, tapos siya pa yung nanakit sa akin siya pa yung masaya at maganda ang buhay ngayon? Pakshet lang! Samantalang ako pinipilit kong i-convince ang sarili kong naka move on na ako.... Ang sakit lang talaga. Ang unfair! Now he blocked in Facebook and WeChat. Kapal! Siya pa ang may ganang mang ganyan ah!
And yes I am angry and furious
But I know
That this too shall pass I just don't know until when
shet. intense!!!
ReplyDeletepero maganda na nailabas mo sa blog post na ito. makakatulong kapag nirerelease ang mga ganap.
Oo nga eh kala ko I can contain it pero di pala
DeleteOh my! Break up talaga ang pinakamahirap sa lahat.... Hindi mo alam kung may maiiyak ka pa at kung kelan magiging ganun nalang.... May you find peace in your heart soon..... Hindi siguro sya na inform dun sa 3-month rule....
ReplyDeleteNakakabastos pala pag di sinunod ang three month rule.
DeleteHe's bringing out the worst in you, Nomad. Maybe you already need closure from this awful break-up, maybe not. But this is definitely not healthy for you.
ReplyDeleteI know.. Alam mo na realize ko talaga after reading those awful thing I've said sabi ko I'm turning into a completely different person. Haaaay G.
DeleteI think that is the best possible closure you can get. He's showing off his true colors without any consideration towards you. Bastusan na. Sorry but all he gave you the last time was a pity fuck. You're angry. You're both angry. Too bad no amount of reminiscing or apologies will amend that hurt and pain. Wala ka na babalikan. Pag binalikan mo lang din, all the more he'd take advantage of your vulnerability to hurt you even more.
ReplyDeletePerhaps one day magkakausap at magkikita kayung muli na kalmado. My Ex Mark fucked around flamboyantly the day after we broke up. It just comes to show that you were dismissed a loooong time ago and he's just taking revenge.
Be kind to yourself. You don't need him. You don't need this.
As i have said. Lightning. Instantaneous.
ReplyDeleteClosure is not something handed over.
ReplyDeleteYou strive for it, pursue the answers you've been dreading for.
Unfortunately, most do it in the most reckless fashion.