I never thought that being friends and being so much close to you would make me feel something peculiar. It was so sudden that I just realized it while I was conversing with you. I was surprised that I gradually, gently and heedlessly fell in love with you. And like what I've been saying, I did not fall in love because of how you look, or how you dress, or how effortlessly gorgeous you smile, or how you carry yourself, or how utterly smart you are but because of the kind of kinship we developed.
I couldn't blame myself for not putting any restraint on my emotions. The feeling was euphoric. It was frenzy. It was exhilarating. It was ecstatic. It was like a combination of all Emphatogenic Drugs in the world in one capsule. My journey with him everyday was a trance-like state. There's always an intense unknown pleasure that crawls inside me --inch by inch, and I was consumed by it.
Then I got addicted to it. I've been an emotionally slut. I've been literally crazy over him. I've been a green eyed monster. I've been irrational and immature most of the time. I exploded. The feelings was too intense that I can no longer contain it.
Regrettably; I've been too hasty, abrupt and careless. I was so consumed and pre-occupied with how I felt for him that I am no longer sober with reality. What I did was a slapdash decision. I was too fast to made a decision to admit everything to him. However, the heavens had forsaken me and did not answer my prayers. He renounced my love for him.
From then on, everything was a mess. I was a mess. I've been too sensitive with everything he does. Who he talks with, Who he send SMS to.. I was so sad. I felt so unhappy, alone and lonely. There were moments when I just want to lay down and sleep all day. The only time that I will get up is when I need to pee and poo or when I feel like smoking other than that, I was just sleeping. Trying to avoid the ghost inside me. The warm feeling that gives joy, hope and life inside me was now gone. It was replaced with cold and numb heart.